Geek Spaces: Aaron

This is my first...and most likely last Youtube video. I don't really like being on camera nor am I very coherent while speaking on film. Plus I'm like one, in a million guys on youtube doing the same thing, but TJ wanted us to do our room and gaming set-up tours, so heres mine. I just hope everyone else does theirs or I'll feel really stupid.

Aaron’s Retro Reviews: Aero The Acrobat

Dear god…I don’t think….I don’t even…

*Sigh*

My buddy is having a get wasted night this week, and I don’t drink…but thanks to the suck of this game, I’m considering it. Drinking or smoking or something…something that would allow me to forget…ugh.

*Sigh*

This is my Aero the Acrobat for the sega genesis review,

If you’ve read my column before, than you may have heard me talk about the “Rad Mascot” years of the 90’s. This was in reference to Rocket Knight Adventures, A surprisingly great game despite the character Sparkster being an attempt to copy Sonic. I chose to go over that game because it was a rare cutesy/rad mascot game that was actually decent to play unlike well…every other attempt with rad mascots in the 90’s…ever. Aero the Acrobat is an example of your usual failed attempt at the rad character, I just happened to luck out that the rest of the game sucks too. The reason I chose Aero was sort of random at first, It was at the top of the rom list (I am not a rich vintage collector, I don’t have every damn Sega game ever, gotta play them somehow) and I vaguely remember the character from the Sega Channel days and seem to remember people actually enjoying it. So this is how It ended up being chosen, something I chose to make my work easier that turned out way worse than I thought.

The game was released by Sunsoft, and developed by Iguana games. Now I’m sure your thinking “Aaron, you’ve done your homework huh?”, well not by choice. The second you fire this turd up you are greeted by painfully blaring midi music and it begins showing company names. Now this is the kind of situation you want to press start and get into the game quickly to escape, but unfortunately this is one of the only games I’ve ever seen that will NOT LET YOU SKIP. You have to endure at least 30 seconds of blaring circus stock midi just to see the company names and title screens so you don’t miss them I guess. If you can’t tell by this point how much “fun” this is going to be, well you must be the kind of person that is a glutton for masochism. The game starts you out in, what else a circus, yay for stock circus midi. You are given five lives which at first I thought was generous. As it turns out you burn through lives like potato chips since primarily everything kills you fairly easily. Spikes and burning hoops kill you instantaneously that’s sort of a given, but when it comes to baddie clowns (clownies?) you have some sort of ambiguous health rate. I still haven’t been able to figure out how many hits kill you because there is no bar, and it always seems randomly sorted somewhere after three hits, yeah that’s not frustrating.


This is only made worse by Aero’s terrible controls. Aero’s primary attack is to spin at enemies (Sonic?) no not like sonic, sideways spinning. However this attack is terribly sort ranged and half the time doesn’t go where you want it to. I can be holding down,right and still manage to attack up,right. Aero can also pick up stars which he can use to attack using the A button, but they come up so few and far between and rarely hit their mark. Additionally both these attacks rarely ever kill certain enemies, in particular this super Franken clown who looks like he’s in cahoots with Satan. This guy can block stars and spin attacks, even from behind somehow and he attacks by throwing balls all over the place in random directions and kicking. Sound like a boss? No, he’s not, he’s an enemy that comes up in the first damn level and every level onward. Aero can also fly for a limited range, which isn’t useful since you can’t move anywhere while doing it. Power ups for flight allow him to actually move while flying and fly longer. The rest of the controls, I.E. Jump, directions are pretty straight forward, just dodgy (as the Brits would say).

So I know what you’re thinking, Circus Screeching and Terrible Controls aside, what about the game play. This is a platformer right, run from left to right and complete the stage in the allotted time? Nope, this game is a platformer/quest completion game in the lightest sense. Each stage has a special goal such as…destroy all the star platforms…or jump through 40 magic hoops. I’m sorry, how is this supposed to stop an evil clown bent on destroying your circus? After completing each inane task you move on to the next one. You know, it’s nice they tried something different, but it makes for a boring game when your running around the same areas looking for that platform you missed. This coupled with the fact that it’s so easy to die, and the fact that when you do die anywhere before the next stage which is 5 acts and a boss away you return to the first act will make you glad Iguana games is defunct, otherwise you’d be strangling them. Actually, I’m in the process of finding their current residences.

Finally, let’s touch on the graphics. This game is a visual eyesore, everything about it is ugly. Aero is hideous in his design, and you get to see giant blown up shots of his ugly mug at the title and stage screens. Looks like he is wearing a little bat toupee. The stages are visually unappealing, even the choice of backdrops and fonts is just irritating to the eyes. It seems as though the staff was working from the book of bad Graphic Design, or more realistically this turd was shat out quick to get the name out there. Everyone wanted a piece of that Sega mascot pie, and Iguana was no exception. Whereas RKA took the Sonic idea and went in it’s own direction resulting in an enjoyable direction, Aero took it and went in the wrong direction.

I have to be fair, after multiple deaths, quick saving and careful stepping, I made it through the first world and boss. However, once greeted with the same objectives in the new stage, I just couldn’t go on…I was done with the game right there. There are still three other worlds, but seriously, it’s not worth it. Don’t buy, don’t download, don’t play this game…it’s abysmal.



Oh, and due to Geeksquisites insistence on a numbered rating system, I’m giving Aero a 1 out of 5.

I wish I could somehow delete the rom harder than I did...maybe like a Delete Plus key.

Aaron’s ... Reviews: Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC

Alright, not exactly a retro review, but I am both a fan of Fallout 3 as well as I think the only one of our journalists to regularly download the expansions. This review would have come sooner except my x-box had to be repaired yet again and thusly put off playing the expansion. I’m not going to review Fallout as a whole, but I will run through the previous expansions quickly.

Operation Anchorage: Very fun, takes place in an Alaska VR simulation before the war, plays entirely differently from the normal flow of the game and also has an amazing exclusive suit that allows you to become invisible while crouching. That alone warrants buying this expansion, and holds it’s 2nd place position as my recommended must downloads for Fallout 3.

The Pitt: Enjoyable, takes place in a post-apocalyptic Pittsburg, fun for the sake of a new area to explore. But be warned you also get stripped of all your weapons on entry only to have them returned at the end of the story arc, this puts it as my number 4 on Download recommendations for Fallout 3.

Broken Steel: Actually takes place still around D.C. and most importantly raises the level cap and allows you to live past the main mission…oops…spoiler alert? Yes you live if you DL this expansion. You also get your hands on a weapon capable of destroying those annoying Enclave verti-birds that drop off enemies among your travels about the wastes. If you can only get one Download expansion, this is the one to get and holds the number 1 spot on my recommendation list.

You may have noticed there wasn’t a number three on my recommendation chart; well that brings us to this review of “Point Lookout” Download expansion.

This expansion drags everyone’s favorite post apocalyptic savior/sinner who speaks in text only to rural Maryland on a quest to loot and pillage the abandoned mansions…all two of them, for treasure. Let me stop right there by saying there ain’t much “treasure” In this expansion. The weapons, though unique struck me as relatively un-impressive…and they have that issue that while in the hands of an enemy they do way more damage to you than you can do back with the exact same weapon, but that’s the same with every enemy in Fallout. But the missions and the visuals really make it worth the download and put it over the Pitt in enjoyment standards. The non-arch quests have you blowing up a Chinese Submarine, fighting in a ghoul arena, and even making moonshine among other things. By the way, don’t drink the moonshine…I took one swig, and immediately became addicted, that’s a first in this game…it’s not usually so easy to become an addict.

SPOILERS AHEAD! SCROLL TO END OF SPOILER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SURPRISED!
The main missions lead you to a mansion to fight off an invasion of tribal humans from killing a ghoul. After you aid him he asks...well demands as most characters do in fallout, that you help him. He sends you off to infiltrate the tribal’s, who immediately trust your plead to join them without a question and tell you that in order to enter you have to go partake of this giant fruit in the swamp to become enlightened. Once you make it to the fruit, well…the best part of the dlc begins. You go on a crazed over the top drug trip back through the swamp trail. This is not the “Oh the room turns purple and you have weird memories for a few moments” like vault 106 in D.C. This is full out psychedelic acid trip, with giant saws cutting through the landscape, soda bottles falling out of trees and exploding, and even an upside down swamp section. Then, you recover finding yourself outside the swamp. When you return you are allowed into the tribal church and find out that their god is the hologram of a brain commanding them to kill the ghoul, you also find you’ve been partially lobotomized, but it doesn’t seem to affect you and you assume the tribe did it. Returning to the ghoul you find that the brain and him have had a rivalry going since before the war, and you need to stop the brain because…well lets face it, brains that are alive in jars are usually evil. Anyway, at this point you choose who your going to help and return to the mansion to see it nuked from orbit.

The final battle takes place in point lookout’s Iconic lighthouse, which…well spoiler alert, but if you want the fight to be shorter, side with the ghoul the brain will turn on you. After completing this quest, when you return to the ferry boat it is revealed that the operator was the one who lobotomized you, and you can even find the jar with your brain chunk in it and carry it around. After disposing of the ferryman, you are free to ride the boat between D.C. and Point Lookout.

END OF SPOILERS, WRAPPING IT UP HERE...YOU MISSED ALOT

So all in all it’s a pretty good DLC, and has earned it’s place as my 3rd place recommendation, it doesn’t really bring a new aspect other than location, or a super cool weapon to the table so it remains beneath Anchorage and Broken Steel in my opinion. But if you’re a Fallout addict like myself, your gonna download it anyway.

That’s all for this review, next time I do a non-retro review it will be for Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, so keep your eyes peeled.

Aaron’s Retro Reviews: Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker

Hey everyone, it’s Aaron again. Now I hadn’t intended on doing one of these Retro Reviews so quickly, and I also hadn’t intended on doing this game. However, in light of the recent events as most of are well aware of and is even reported on this site, the King of Pop is dead. I could make jokes at his expense, but I chose to do a sort of tribute by playing and reviewing this game, because I think we can all agree Jackson’s music was awesome. That being said I will be totally honest, I’m not going to sugar coat a game if it’s really abysmal. But enough preface, let’s get reviewing “Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker” for the Sega Genesis.

In 1988 during Jackson’s glory days he released a film called “Moonwalker” which was actually a series of music videos on tape. One in particular was the extended video for “Smooth Criminal”, in which Michael plays the role of a benevolent gangster? Who fights other gangsters to save children? Apparently Jackson, while playing guardian to some waifish orphans stumbles upon the Lair of one Mr. Big, who wants to get people addicted to drugs on a global scale starting with children. Michael and a child are discovered overhearing this plot and so Mr. Big has to rub them out. Mr. Big attacks Jackson at his abode, but is eluded when Jackson evokes his magical shooting star powers and turns into a car….yes.., I’m serious. After a chase sequence he arrives at club 30 to meet the children and busts out smooth criminal. After the club scene Mr. Big gets a hold of the little waif girl and Jackson goes to save her. When Jackson is captured, Big threatens to inject her with narcotics but she wriggles loose and so Big decides to waste them both. It is then…sigh…I can’t believe I am writing this…He transforms into a giant robot. Yes…Yes…I know…look it up on youtube, you can’t make this stuff up, and this is coming from someone who’s job it is to make stuff up. Anyway, Mr. Big is defeated in his mountain fortress by Jackson who then turns into an aircraft and the kids are saved.

So Mobile suit Jackson saved the day and defeated Mr. Big, who was played be Joe Pesci (funny guy, loved him in home alone). Then time went on and one would think a plot like this would never see the light of day again…but when Michael took an interest in video gaming the video reappeared in a way similar to herpes, and in 1990 the video game version of this video hit arcades and console across the globe. Anyway, let us begin the analyzation. Moonwalker’s controls are well…like it sounds…about as strange as walking on the moon. There’s a button for simple jumps, a button for you basic attacks, and then…-_- the magic button. The basic attacks consist of kicking and punching? Casting out sparkles. But a strangely redeeming factor is the magic attacks. Charging up slightly will allow mini-mike to fire off his hat and make people explode which is nothing too impressive. But the fun comes when you charge it for a certain amount of time, which causes Mike to unleash his dance attack. This move causes every enemy on screen to bust out dancing to a Michael Jackson tune, with mike leading. After the dance most of the enemies drop dead. It’s a sight I find never gets old.

The game follows the plot of the video for the most part…even most of the “zones” reflect places in the video. You begin at club 30, make your way through the streets, the forest (actually a graveyard), the caverns, and finally Big Boss…erhem…Mr. Big’s lair of drug induced doom. The stages are sort of bland but it was the very early 90’s, many games were blandly isometric. But the music is really good, because it’s essentially Mikes greatest hits in Midi form, so if you like his music you’ll enjoy the tunage. The only things that liven up the game play aside from bustin’ out enemy break dancing fests, are occasionally you run into “shooting stars” which turn Michael into a Fu…Effin Optimus Prime who is mostly unstoppable. The final level of the game is flying through space to finally defeat Mr. Big, and this is the worst level of all. To be honest I enjoyed the game, but this level was just shameful. You really can’t keep track of what’s coming at you, it’s clunky control wise and it leads to an ending that basically is nothing more than” Congratulations”.

So all in all, I actually enjoyed the game…but it’s really more fun for a run through of the first few levels, especially when you dance attack some zombies and re-enact thriller. But it’s not worth completing really, the King of Pop was a great musician…but his creative writing needs…needed a little work. But was this Michaels last dabble in the world of video games? It is now widely rumored that he worked on the music for Sonic 3 but was removed from the project due to the arising of certain allegations and court cases that got Jackson in some hot water. After that to my knowledge that was the end of Mike’s short lived career in the world of the vidya. As for the way his life went after that…well I have no comment, but I will say…remember the good times. Remember the good stuff Michael did…and I will say this game was generally something worth remembering because it was really far out there and weird, and actually sort of fun. So, goodnight strange almost alien to us king of Pop, may you rest in piece, your legacy is preserved.

P.S. Here’s a link to the high rez Sparkster pic, just incase anyone wanted to see the detail. So until next time, goodbye, see you next time Retro gamers!

Hi-Rez Sparkster